since september

this morning josh, jo, Fiona, sarah and I went out for our Monday training. We went to café nero to have a coffee, but ended up walking for half hour before we actually got there to sit down. It was really strange going out somewhere again because it felt like it was the beginning of the year again. In September/October we used to go out to places to chat. It also felt like the beginning of the year because of how everyone acted. Josh lead the way as always, jo, Fiona and sarah were chatting and laughing, and I was walking alone contributing an odd coment every now and then, but generally being ignored. I didn’t mind too much because I wasn’t up for chatting and Im feeling quite ill, but it was interesting to be in that situation again.
Once we got our drinks and we sat down, we were asked to map out our threesixty journey so far. Like a timeline of events that meant things to us. When I thought about it hard, I was able to put down much more than I thought I would be able to. Things like when I went for breakfast with pete brierley and we just chatted and got to know each other before he left. And a recent one was that last Thursday I opened up the studio without dom which I never thought I would ever be able to do. I was able to set it all up and everything.
And the biggest thing that impacted me last term was kerry. She really hurt me. And yet thinking about her now, there are parts of me that still miss her. Or maybe the idea of her. That fact that she was my first real long term girlfriend. The weird thing is that I don’t want to know her now. She isn’t the person I thought she was. But anyway, im going off topic.
We were then asked to look over the some of the things we put down and see what impact they had on us, then once that was done, we looked to see if there were any threads or patterns that ran through the year so far. To see if there was anything that God was working on in us.
The first thing I found was strength and trust in God. Last term I really needed to know God was there for me. If I wasn’t able to trust God, then I wouldn’t have gotten my strength from Him, and I would definitely not be where I am today.
I also found that my confidence rose dramatically since beginning the year. At the beginning of the year I would struggle to talk in front of josh and the other guys, but I can do that easily now, and I can open up and run the studio without Dom being there!
I have had one wild ride since September. There have been some amazing ups, and some ridiculously hurtful downs. But the one main thing I know through all of this, is that God is stronger than I can ever imagine. And I would not be writing this quite the same if I hadn’t trusted God fully and relied on his strength.