christmas...and new year

Good morning.
i haven't blogged in a while, so i thought i would put something up about christmas.
this year christmas has been really nice for me. it has been good to just be able to relax and meet up with friends i haven't seen in ages. not having to do any work, has meant i've had time to reflect on the past term and think about the term to come.
Sadly, i have been ill for most of the christmas period :( but its better to be ill now, than when i'm back in london needing to do work.
i have thought a lot about the new year over the past few days. and reading peoples facebook status' they seem to want 2008 to finish already. it confuses me as to why, because changing the date doesn't change the circumstances they are in.
personally, i have had an amazing year overall. there have obviously been ups and downs, but to look at where i was this time last year and where i am now is amazing to see the difference within myself.
i entered into 2008 with Kerry in my arms, and i will leave 2008 without her, but this is fine. God's plan was not for me to stay with her. i spoke with her this christmas, and we will remain friends as I feel God has not finished working through me.
i am amazed to see God's work in the past year, in me as well as in the people and circumstances around me, and i look forward to seeing all that He will do in 2009.
over the past few months, whilst struggling with all that went on with Kerry, i can say for sure that God does not leave us.
when we are weak, He is strong
God carries us through the difficult times
and the one that meant the most to me... The joy of the Lord is our strength.
when we are happy with our lives, we do not question it. we do not pray for help. we do not rely on God as much as we need to. we do not grow in him, and our relationship with Him can weaken.
And so... whether you like it or not, i have a prayer for you all this new year.
i pray that you all experience difficult times this year.
so that you can cling on to God.
and rely on him more.
and grow in Him.
and strengthen your relationship with Him.
and realise yourself that...
The joy of the Lord really is our strength.
God Bless,
Happy new year x

One.Wild.Term.

Sunday 21st December. Crhistmas is waiting 4 days away. where did the last three months go?
this term has been wild. like a rolercoaster. it has been physically, emotionally, socially, mentally and spiritually draining. and i need to rest and recover.
it has been crap. so many rubbish things have happened over the last three months. I lost my girlfriend, who i thought would be my wife. I lost my best friend. i lst who i am. and on some days i lost God.
but luckily, and the reason im still here, is because despite all of that crap, there have been good times. great times. awesome times. times where i step back in awe and i ant believe i am involved with this stuff. that God is using me in this way. whether i can feel Him or not.
and so i need to rest. i need to recover. i need to be re-energised and refilled by God. so i am ready for the next rolercoaster ride of life that will take me til easter.
i hope to say that in two weeks....i will be ready.

a realisation over the past month and a half

Sometimes God has to put us flat on our back before we are looking up to Him.

Answering questions about my reflection...

What was in particular that made sense to you about the inter testimental period?
it made sense how the old testiment linked to the new testiment. it explained a lot of how people changed, and it explains the scene you enter when you start the new testiment. why people are in ‘groups’ and what each group believed. they all believed the messiah was coming, but they all had different views on it.

You said that you found out stuff that you had never known or realised before - what were a few of these things?
~ how the old testiment linked to the new testiment
~ how the people released from Egypt are god’s people throughout the bible, and that it continues through to the new testiment
~ (there were a few more, but I really cannot remember as it was long ago)

Also has your reading of the Bible changed since reading this? How?
when I read the bible hasn’t changed that much, or even how I read the bible. but the way I understand the bible has changed. I am more able to place what is going on, and I know more about what happened before the bit im reading, and what going to happen after and how it will happen etc.

Written in christmas-y colours!

I

I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I want to be. I am not what I hope to be. But still, I am not what I used to be. And by the grace of God, I am what I am.

A different kind of prayer...

Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in
traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day
and was rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the
laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.
Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young
man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college
student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of
not getting his student loans for next semester.
Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in
the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to
addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.
Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow
through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are
savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she
got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping
together.
Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us,
the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those
we hold dear. Open our hearts not just to those who are close to us
but to all humanity.
Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive.
Bless us with patience, empathy and love.
AMEN!

erm

I feel weird. i dont know why.
i am ok, but i just feel weird. think i need to do some thinking. but i dont know what about.
strange...

Reflection on the drama of scripture

As I began to read the book ‘The Drama of Scripture’, I found it very difficult to follow and for a while I regretted not reading the easier option; but as I continued reading, I began to understand the way the book was written and I got into it quite quickly. The first thing that slightly surprised me about this book was in fact the way the two authors chose to write a summery of the bible as a drama, with six acts. I had not seen or heard of anything similar before, and so I was interested in how it would work out.
At the end of each section, I enjoyed the ‘Reflections for today’ as it helped me to understand further what I had just read. As I have not read the whole bible through before, I really enjoyed following the storyline through from beginning to end. There were many things I read throughout the book I had never realised or known before, or how one section of the bible linked with another section.
the part of the book that I enjoyed the most has got to be the ‘Interlude’. I have known for a long time that there was a four hundred year gap between the end of the Old Testament and the beginning of the New Testament, but I have never been told, or have even wondered what happened within those four hundred years. Reading it through, I now have a knowledge of the link between the old and new testament, and it now makes a lot more sense to me.
After reading this book I would definitely recommend it to people as I found it helped me a lot in finding out how the bible and the laws etc. in it can and do relate to my life today. It has helped show me ways to live that would be pleasing to God and that fit into God’s master plan for creation. Also, reading this book has made me feel more important within the role of creation as I am still a part of it. I am part of the whole story, not a side story that God is doing within my life.
Overall I have thoroughly enjoyed reading ‘The Drama of Scripture’ and I feel I know more of what my role is in life. I have found my place in the bible story, have been able to relate the bible to my own life and I know I am part of Gods big plan for his kingdom to come.

One CRRRAAAZZYYYYYY Week.

This week in itself had been crazy. to think that last week the three girls and i were on our way to enfield for training, it feels so long ago. the training went really well, and on the tuesday we were avle to put into practice what we learnt as there was a half term thing going on at the enfield academy. i woke up tuesday morning with a sore throat, but i took ppain killers and thought no more of it. travelling back tuesday evening, i had to go to the hub house for some training on a pragram they use called logic. during this, i got quite cold, and stated shaking. went home and straight to bed and spent the rest of the week at home ill. which in itself was wierd as im a bit lost on what im doing now. i cancelled helping at the wedding and went home on friday afternoon to see my mummy. to say the least, she was very happy to see me.
she had booked an appoinment to see a doctor and i got given talets for tonsillitis that i had. spent frday and saturday around the house being lazy.
sunday was the day that really matters to me. i went to church in the morning which was nice and i saw people i hadn't for a while. i was hoping to see mark (the guy going out with my ex), but he wasnt there. so after the service, i went to his flat, but he wasnt in. i rang him and he was round kerry's (my ex), but he came over to see me.
so many thoughts ran through my head when i saw him. 'now what do i do?', 'i really want to hurt this guy...'
he put his bike away, and we stood face to face in his lounge, and with everything i had within me, i stepped forward, and i hugged him. neither of us were expecting that to actually happen. we then both had tears rolling down our faces, he knew he had doen wrong and he explained everything and how sorry he was, and he understood how i felt, and he kept saying 'hw can i make this better?'. i forgave him there and then. it felt good to let it go. to have him as a friend again. not even planning to see kerry, i was having a coffee with her 15 minutes later. to cut a long story short, the same thing happened. we spoke, we cried, we explained. she apologised for everything she had done, and was sorry she hadnt delt with things differently. we hugged several times, before mark came back, and we all went back to marks.
the walk back to marks felt good. we were friends again. and i didnt hate them anymore. i went on facebook laer, and the sinking feeling i had before every time i saw them on there had gone.
i got back to london late last night, and jo said 'to be honest i am totally in awe of you right now'.
but i dont want people to be like that. i did what i did because i had for myself. to let my be free from the pain i felt, and to be able to move on and be able to focus on what i am doing in london.
i was able to do what i did because God gave me strength to do so, because i asked him so many times over the past few weeks.
this week has been crazy, but God has been there every stepof the way. i could not have had a better week. sunday could not have been better.
Praise the Lord.

church as a co op...

this artical took me a while to read, and im still trying to get my head around it, but what i can understand it saying, i will agree with.
a co-op is a group that is controlled by its members, just like the shop 'co-op'. the shop is controlled by its members, and will change to suit whatever the members want.
the church is also a group that is controlled by its members, but one big difference is that the church has a partner. this partner is God, who will guide and help the church on its journey and big decisions. there is leadership within the church that guides the church with gods help to aim to serve the community around them.

Mary

I just want to take this moment to tell you about a friend of mine called mary.
mary is an amazing person. i met here just over two years ago at the summer camp i go to called dalesdown.
she wasn't a christian then, and it was my first year as a junior leader. i knew her best friend becki from the year before as we became good friends.
during that week mary had many questions about christianity and what its about and all sorts of things, and being one of the younger leaders, she often came to me. in this way i got to know her really well that week and by the end of the week mary had asked jesus into her life.
to be able to be a part of someones journey like that was incredible for me and i have never felt that close to God before.
over the following months mary continued to have questions, so we would often stay up late at night chatting on msn about what she wanted answering and just looking deeper into christianity, which helped for me as well as her.
Mary came back to camp in 2007 and it was incredible. she had grown so much in christ that i was taken back. it really was amazing.
as soon as mary heard that kerry had ended the relationship, she was there, on msn, ready to chat about anything. we organised a time that i can go visit and im really excited.
i just wanted to write this as a positive post after a few negative ones i have put, because throughout this past week, when things have been so so difficult, mary has been there to talk to, and i wanted to write this as a thankyou.

who do you hug when the person you would naturally hug is the one who's turning away?

who do you talk to when the person you would naturally talk to doesn't want to know?

who do you turn to when the person you would naturally turn to is the one who is making you feel like crap?

another blow

found out yesterday that kerry is now in a relationship with my best friend.
they been seein each other for a while now.

laughing is good.

An old couple was watching TV one evening, and the husband got up to go to the kitchen. His wife told him to get her some iced tea, and knowing that the years had taken their toll on his memory, she told him to write it down.

"I can remember iced tea," he protested.

"But I want sugar in my tea too," she told him, "so write it down."

He told her he could remember iced tea with sugar.

"I want a slice of lemon too." she said, "Just write it down."

He left the room grumbling to himself. A few minutes later he came back with a plate full of mashed potatoes for her.

"Now look what you've done!" she yelled at him, "You forgot my gravy!"

Intimacy 2

One example of intimacy i have noticed in the church would have to be just how many people have invited us round for dinner. it may not be much for them, but it means a lot to me that people want to get to know us and it means we have an enjoyable and relaxing evening getting to know the people we are around.
also, pete brierly is meeting me for breakfast tomorrow morning. it really does mean a lot to me when people reach out like this. just something small can open up the chance to chatch up, get to know, or just hang out.

intimacy

today

kerry ended our relationship today

Two days training in enfield

the training on enfield last monday and tuesday was good. it was nice to see everyone again and it was good to ask how they were doing in thier different placements.
it was quite difficult for me to take everything in as it was lot of information in a short period of time, and for me, once a certain amount has gone in, the rest just bounces off. even so, the material of 'What Every Volunteer Youth Worker Should Know' (WEVYWSK) was very good, and challenged me in places. we were given powerpoint sheets to take, so i can look over them and get more out of them when i have some time.
we looked at many different things including: how to work with youth, how to be a good youth worker, what type of style works best, ideas of how to interact, and much more. it was all very good, but think the thing that challenged me most, was not necasserily from what i got from the training, but where i could apply what i found. all through the training i was thinking of my youth group back at my home church and how it hasntbeen working for ages, and ideas kept flowing through my mind as to how it could be improved. it really gave me a sense of encouragment for when i came back here.
sadly this was possibly short lived due to some news i got, but i will write more about that when i know a bit more.
still, i will continue to give this place my all, because this is where my want to be.
thats all today will write soon

Long day

today was really long, but really quite good.
i started off the day in the office sorting a few games out and getting games together incase i was doing them in hub kids, then i was invited to the thanksgiving service for the new building which was really nice. i really enjoyed the service, especially mark's interview with Steve Chalke. at the end i had two small donuts and a grape before rushing off to go with shona to help with some gardening. i got back and helped out in the cfae for the afternoon as sarah had to organise her hub chat, and spent most of the tiime washing up, which i didnt really mind. i then rushed off to hub kids which was much more manic to the other nights. but was still very good, ran some games, and vicky ran some which was good. after that i helped cook for my small group, and then had a nice evening talking about David in the book of samuel.
all in all, a tiring, but very good day. signing off...

Yesterday

i spent most of yesterday painting the top rim and ceiling of a small room in the hub house. and i managed to get covered in it! haha. yeh, i really enjoyed it and it looks nicer now. just need to think of how we can use the room now...
i then helped tim with football. it was cold. but he put me in goal, and i warmed up, but i bet looked funny! no, really i enjoyed it and had time to chat with the kids, so that was good.
we all went to the horse in the evening to the headspace planning evening, and some really good ideas came out. i had a headache, and wanted the evening to be a bit shorter, but im still glad i went. its hub kids tonight, hope it goes well.
then i got my small group :)

Last friday

Last friday, me, fiona and jo cleaned the front of church!
What fun it was...
Look at all those bags :)

Relationships

Today Josh took us to a large cafe by the river. I can't remember the name of it :s but it was really nice. it was really close to the london eye!
we spoke about our weeks and what we are getting up to, then we were given our threesixty training sheets. I was a bit nervous at first 'cos i never like things like this, where 'work' is required, but as we read into it, it wasn't so bad. josh explained the blog and what we had to put in it, and i was a bit confused. to be honest, i am still a bit,but josh is busy in the cafe, so i am just gong to post this and hope for the best!
'What we do effects what we learn, what we learn effects what we do' - Fiona Perham.
this was the first thing we looked at as a team. how there is a link between thoery and practice. i enjoyed looking into this, and thinking of an example from since i got here would be:
I came with a theory of how the house and people in it may work and get along and so i began to live (practice) within the house folloing the theory i had. As time went on, my practice then had to change because the house worked differently to my theory, and so as my practice changed, my theory changed. (i think that makes sense.)
We then were asked to look at relationships and how a particular relationship has effected us. The one i mentioned was one i have with my older brother, Tim.
Without Tim i really dont think i would be in the place i am today because it was his encouragement and persistance that kept me going when i so often wanted to give up. (and he wasn't afraid to give me the kick i needed). So yeh, i really appreciate that he was there, even though he may think he was just being an 'older brother', and what i have learnt from him, i bring with me to everything i put my mind to, knowing that with persistance, i am able to do it.